My life has not turned out the way I once imagined it as a young person. Back then, I was full of dreams and plans that I projected into the future with great confidence. But life has its own way of drawing paths, and mine has often unfolded differently than I would have expected. Today, I look back on this life – not with regret, but with a smile that is deeper and more honest than any plan could ever have evoked. A smile that expresses my contentment and inner peace.
I have never strictly adhered to the rules of society. I realised early on that not all rules are good or useful. Some are there to provide orientation and create justice, but others are restrictive and suffocate the individual. Understanding this difference has guided me – and I have taught my children to look critically as well. I wanted them to learn to question, not to take everything for granted, and to find their own truths.
My children – both my biological children and my stepchildren – have taken these lessons and formed their own strength from them. They have become independent, self-reliant people who go their own way, full of courage and conviction. When I look at them today, I see them achieving things that I hoped for but could never force. They are stronger than many would have expected – and especially stronger than their mother could ever have imagined. It is my greatest achievement to have given them this strength.
But it is not only the big successes that make me happy. It is the small moments of everyday life that often happen in passing and yet leave a lasting impression on my heart. A child's laughter, an unexpected thank you, a quiet moment in nature when the world seems perfect for a moment. These seemingly small things fill my life with joy and give me the strength to face each day with a smile that is visible to everyone.
I have a ‘herd’, as I like to call it. A family that I have not formed alone, but have brought together. My children and stepchildren are at the centre of this community, but they are no longer dependent on me. They have become independent and strong, finding their own paths and carrying the values I have given them within them. I am proud of them, because they have surpassed anything I could have ever wished for them.
Of course, life has also brought me challenges. There were times when I had to struggle with doubt, sadness and fear. But I have learned not to let myself be overwhelmed by these feelings. Instead, I have repeatedly made a conscious decision to look for the positive – even in the smallest of things. This decision, even though it was not always easy, has made me the person I am today: content, happy and full of gratitude.
My future is different from what I imagined it to be back then. I know it is uncertain and limited. But I don't focus on what I'm missing, I focus on what I have: the people I love, the memories I've made, and the moments I have left to experience joy. I know I can't control everything in life – but I also know that despite everything, life is beautiful.
In the end, it doesn't matter to me what rules I have broken or followed. It doesn't matter what expectations I have fulfilled or disappointed. What really counts is the love I have shared, the strength I have passed on and the joy I have found in every little moment. And so I live – not perfectly, not according to plan, but happily. I have found the freedom to love life as it is.
Everything will be fine!