Every morning I wake up and feel the calm that surrounds the house. The sun shines through the windows as if to tell me that every moment is precious. Sometimes I lie in bed a little longer and enjoy the peace and quiet. Sometimes I get up quickly because I have an awful lot to do.
My family is my anchor, my friends are my laughter, and every day I look at them and feel how deeply love and life are anchored in me. There is always a lot to do and when I think back to when I was younger, I could think of many projects, tasks or meetings. At some point, I allowed myself some peace and quiet, restraint and breaks.
We often sit down together at the table, talk about times gone by and dream of what is to come. My daughters tell me about their plans for the future, and I listen attentively, nodding and laughing at the right moments. My friends crack jokes, and I laugh along as if nothing were different. In these moments, everything is so normal, so matter-of-fact.
But deep inside me, I know that time may be ticking differently for me. I feel it extremely rarely in my body, this tiredness that does not go away with sleep. I know that my journey will eventually come to an end. But that will take a long time yet, but these moments or thoughts only make my life more precious.
I look into the eyes of my loved ones, see their future before me and look forward to it. Not for me, but for them. I imagine them growing, laughing and loving more. There is no room for sadness, at least not now. I hold on to the joy that I am allowed to share with them, to the small moments that are bigger than they seem.
There are moments when fear arises, when I feel the farewell. But then I think of the smiles of my daughters and grandchildren, the hugs of my best friends, the warmth of my family. These people are my world, and as long as I have them around me, life is good.
Every day is a gift. Not only for me, but also for them. I meet them, hug them tighter, smile more broadly, because I know that these moments are among the most beautiful of my life. I am dying, yes, but I am also living – in the here and now, in every look, in every word, in every laugh that we share. The future belongs to them, and I look forward to seeing it from afar, even when I myself will no longer be there.